Stuck in stress and disappointment, how to make choices

Why reading this blog will help you lose weight, get a better job, find your soulmate, make you popular, clear up your skin and make your rich (and other ridiculously overblown promises!)

Okay, we both know that most of that is hype. (If you have the perfect life, you are in the wrong place. Unless of course, you want to help others who may need some information.) However, my hope for you is that reading this blog may help you learn to be true to yourself, figure out who that self is and what you want (a harder question than it seems). Hopefully it will help you start living a life that is true to the reality you want rather than the pseudo-reality that you don’t want and may be living.

Oh, and all of that will help you live your life with joy rather than trying everyday to just survive until tomorrow. Because living in tomorrow is not really living. It means not living today in the here and now, so you cannot take any joy in the present. It also means not only taking no joy today, but living in the regret for the joy you did not experience yesterday when you had the opportunity. And you cannot experience tomorrow’s joy since it is not here yet. That leaves you living nowhere, wondering what the heck happened to your life and dreams!

Here is a start in identifying the life you want to live and how to get there, by first starting to live in today. And identifying what you like about your life now will help you choose what you want to add to it or change. Start with these first 7 steps:

1. Stop and identify what is good about today. Count the things that you can be grateful for today. List everything you can think of. The more the greater the experience.
2. Stop and “Be” in the moment today. Feel the weather, listen to the people, taste what you are eating, feel your breath. you will never have this day again. Truly experience your life today. Think of it as though you had paid thousands of dollars to go on a tour and you want to feel and remember the trip through “today-land.”
3. Let your motto today be: Where ever you go – there you are. Mothers in particular have a tendency to not be where they are. When you are at work you are thinking you should be home with your children. When you are home with your children, you are thinking about what you should be doing at work. Not “being there” means you are both less effective in what you are doing at the time. And you are not enjoying doing either activity. Mothers don’t have the corner on this market though, many people live their lives on hold waiting for tomorrow. Some others include college students focused on “when they graduate,” people focused on when they “find the one,” or someone waiting till they find the “right job.”
4. Think back to 1-10 years ago. What are you doing now that was what you were dreaming of then? Stop and mentally examine these experiences and how rewarding it is to have reached those goals. If you were a college student looking forward to a job in your field, mindfully identify what you like about now – having finished classes, graduating, the satisfaction of being a graduate in your field, having successfully navigated the process of finding employment in your field, etc. Or if you are in a different type of job, the pride of being able to be flexible and make another plan to deal with the need to meet short term goals such as employment in a difficult economy.
5. Identify what you have learned and/or have enjoyed/disliked about you have been doing the last few years/currently. What have you learned about your desires socially, financially, career wise, relationship and fun wise.
6. From your information gained in the first 5 steps – begin an outline of what you want more of in your life and less of. If you write “healthier, more happiness, bigger salary” or other vague and subjective terms, start to imagine what that would look like to “be happier,” etc. Be specific, measurable, and time oriented. Instead of healthier – state what that means to you. Does that mean working out for 30 minutes 3 times a week or eating fast food no more than 2 times a week, a set amount of time watching TV or on the computer? Does happier mean, thinking positive thoughts 80-90% of the time, not worrying about what others are thinking of you every time you walk by someone, having a relationship where you feel that person has your back? What would be different if your dreams come true. And look for what it would be more than what it would not be. In other words, instead of “not feeling like my significant other thinks I am stupid,” you could desire that you feel your significant other treats you with respect and encourages you. Or not that you don’t want to eat sweets so much, but I will eat desserts only 3 times a week.
7. Last and most importantly, for any change you want – write out the goal with the “Why.” This is the most powerful part of gaining the changes in your life that you would like. The “whys” need to be personal and yours. For example, if you are choosing to go to college because your parents always wanted you to or lose weight because your significant other wants you to, these are really someone else’s goals – not yours. If there is not a burning reason why you want the change, it will not likely happen. And even if it does, you won’t enjoy achieving it the way you would if you were achieving your own dreams and desires. You may need to go back through the steps again and look for what really are your dreams and desires, then they can move to be your goals. The “why” is the power or fuel that makes then engine run. So you must have it and it must be yours. Otherwise it is like trying to run your car without fuel, or putting fuel in your neighbors car and wondering why your car doesn’t move. Your dreams, your goals, your “whys” leads to your success. The better you know yourself, the better fit you will have in these areas. The person you are today may be very different from the person you were 5, 10 or even just 2 years ago. Isn’t it time you knew you better?

Choose to become an expert at living the life you have now. Then you can use this information to start planning the life you want. And this way, when you get there – you really will enjoy it. But start with today.  What do you want in your life that you don’t have now?